bake or die!

I’ve been getting my bake on recently, and I must say, it’s hideously therapeutic. I’m looking forward to moving out purely so I can fill my kitchen with ugly 1950’s curtains, rockabilly aprons, jelly moulds and cupcake frostings galore. I’ve decided that if you’re not a fan of the kitchen, making cupcakes can definitely make you one. It’s easy, its creative, and it’s fucking F-U-N. The best part has been dragging out my cutting pad and Photoshopping up a whole lot of really awesome decorative toppers. Screw sugary flowers and writing stuff in icing, its all in attaching stuff to the humble toothpick. I made some tattoo cupcakes last week and they went down a huge smash with Beatrix (as sugar always does) and anybody who saw the photos, although I must say they did look better than they tasted. So instead of making your standard vanilla crap-cakes, I’ve been branching into the world of vegan cooking this week, and am planning on making a batch of (vegan) chocolate cupcakes stuffed with (vegan) fluffy filling and topped with (vegan) ganache. I can’t be bothered taking Bake & Destroy‘s advice (see my links) and piping a bunch of extra icing on the top to write crude messages like SLUT and HOSER on top of my cupcakes, so instead of making ye olde American cusscakes, I’m making smutcakes.
After a lot of deliberation with my mans, I decided to make said smutcakes for my friends Tammy and Skai for a small housewarming token. I was originally going to get cutesy and write something totally trite like Happy New House or something equally vomitous until I decided to get a little personal and think, well, what is it that Tammy likes? But then I had to think about making separate cakes for stuff Skaidris likes, and it all became too hard. Shared interests are an asshole to come up with and I really didn’t want to comb my brain all night in bed, so both Ross and I decided that everyone likes tits and beer, and the cupcakes should be themed as such.

sleazy cupcake toppers; part one
sleazy cupcake toppers; part two

The first batch; pin-ups, and the second; alcohol. They’ll all be together on a big tacky crystal platter. Click ’em to see them larger. I’ll post photos when I’ve made the cupcakes and fuck, I’ll even quiz everyone to ask if it was worth spending an extra 30 bucks coming up with all the pricey vego ingredients required to replace eggs.