absence.

So, the other day I realised that I hadn’t blogged for about 6 months and that made me kinda sad. I used to really love blogging to the point where I’d run out of stuff to say but still wanted to make posts anyway, and now its the reverse; a lot has changed in the past 6 months and now I have to try to recap.

Let’s see.. events. Well, okay, not a lot happened. Mostly menial shit that I like to bitch about, or get excited over, or brag about. A lot of house and job hunting has been done to no real success, and probably this has contributed to a lack of blogging, and a growing sense of shame and depression that I’m not doing my “duty”. If you check out my Flickr stream, you’ll see the recent developments in my life, my new tattoos and how Beatrix has grown. I guess in more “event” type news, Ross decided he wanted us to take a “break” in late July, and its been an emotionally draining rollercoaster ever since. Until about two weeks ago I was convinced that I still wanted to take some time and work it out in a few months when we were ready to see each other again, but recent conversations have led me to believe that he is indeed the bad seed that I never wanted to recognize him for, and not at all someone that I want in my life. I hope for Bea’s sake that he intends at least to be a reliable and civil seed, otherwise our arrangements may have to become slightly more drastic and official on my end. I am still sad about it, and I often wish it were another way, but I think a guy who has to mentally toy with his partner (and abuse her and devalue her) until she becomes so distressed and angry that she leaves, purely so he won’t have to do the dirty work, is a pretty obvious show of weak moral character, and I’m not sure why I prevented myself from seeing these traits earlier.

And in more positive news, (although I’m sure not positive for Mr One-Man-Show,) I’m expecting the second little person in my self-made family to join us in 8 months time. I just got confirmation of the news today, and I’m actually glad and excited that I’m going to do this all on my own, on my own terms and without hassle, stress or input from people who really don’t care about me, are only interested for their own selfish reasons or who enjoy mentally abusing me. (I really didn’t intend for this to be a slag-off post, but what the hell, I’ve earned it.)

I’ve really missed just being able to attack my keyboard without having to check the privacy settings on Facebook to make sure I don’t offend someone. I hope I get back into the flow of blogging again.

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