reflection and madness

The last few weeks have been jam-packed full of high tension and stress while I try to wrap my head around the obstacle that is having both my daughters turn a year older only 7 days apart. I knew when I gave birth to Indi that this would be a financial pain the arse (also, my brother’s birthday is 7 days before Bea’s) but I didn’t really factor my pitiful stay-at-home single mama salary into the whole equation. I’ve done the semi-sane thing by arranging for them to hold a joint birthday party on the weekend between their respective birthdays, but yet again, as I do every year, I have over-extended myself and given myself ridiculously high standards, and now when the slightest of things goes wrong, I feel like Bea will be disappointed. Ridiculous! Only I will! And I really need to let go and count the good things. Like, Bea has been on this planet for FIVE years! It’s amazing what a lovely little lady she’s become. As a special big girl present, We’ve bought her a second hand (pink, of course) Nintendo DS, because she is an avid Animal Crossing fanatic (she plays it on the Nintendo Wii currently) but gets stressed out when Indi presses buttons and snatches the remote. So we thought it would be nice for her to have something that’s just hers, that she can take to Daddy’s house and in the car and… well, let’s be honest, I really wanted it to save our sanity on the snow trip to Lake Mountain in a few month’s time…

And Miss Indi will be ONE! It’s astounding to me that this little person has been here for that long now. And yet, I can’t remember a time where she wasn’t part of our family, it seems like she’s always been with us. Her communication skills are bounding, she says dada and mama, and points to everything and loves learning the names of objects, and she has just begun to stand very wobbly (and briefly) unsupported.

So, here is a list of things that are stressing me about the party, and hopefully once I commit them to “paper”, I can rid them from my head and just let what happens happen.

*The theme is Alice in Wonderland. I fear that nobody will bother dressing up, and if they do we will have 9 versions of the White Rabbit. Yes, I am anal, but this bothers me. I also fear that the Alice dress that my dad has sewn for Bea will not fit her, he is bringing it down from New South Wales with him a few days before the party, and she has never tried it on. I also fear that something will go wrong with my costume rental plans, even though I have booked in advance… yes, I am being horrible pessimistic at this stage.

  • We are holding the party in the backyard. The grass, up until 2 weeks ago, was taller than Bea. I’m not exaggerating. (We’re a house of girls, and we don’t do garden.) It has been whipper-snippered, but it is now just a colossal bed of thick, straw coloured roots with tiny green buds poking through. It is to be mowed again next week before the party, but I have my doubts that it will look anywhere near good.
  • Having a backyard party poses another threat in Melbourne winter – rain, wind and cold. I have no Plan B, my house is awkwardly laid out for partying.
  • The oven has been broken for 9 months or more after the element caught on fire. Finally a guy has come to fix it, but needs to order the parts. If it’s locally, he’ll come back tomorrow, otherwise it has to come from Sydney and may not arrive in time. I may not be able to bake anything I had planned – cookies, cupcakes or birthday cake. My Plan B is decorating a pre-bought sponge (if you see my Flickr account and reference Bea’s 2nd birthday cake, you will see that this isn’t such a bad idea) and then… I dunno about the rest. I’ll buy some plain cookies and ice them. (We need “Eat Me” cookies to keep with the theme.)
  • No kids are going to show up is one of my biggest fears. Mostly because only one person who has a child has confirmed, and her son doesn’t even like Bea, so she might not bring him. This breaks my heart for Bea, but as long as I don’t draw attention to it, I think it will be okay…

Okay, so far, that’s it. I will post photos next week. Wish me luck!