my oldest vice.

So after a bunch of unexpected fainting spells last week, or rather, to sound more dramatic and accurate; me losing consciousness for undisclosed periods of time, I have been bed-bound and nannied for the past week and a half. Originally, my Dexter vice was gonna be good enough to get me through this, but I finished the last season and the new one doesn’t air in America until the end of the year. So whilst doing some random Tumblring, I stumbled upon something Daria related, had a fit of nostalgia and then made it my mission to find the entire series streamed online. Thanks to a darling little Russian site that I will link to at request (I’m scared of it getting too much traffic in case it’s suddenly jerked away from my grubby little claws before I can complete it) I have now been reacquainted with this little gem and therefore am going to get it out of my system with what I do best when I’m unwell; MAKING LISTS OF THINGS.

We’ve been through a lot together, TV and I, and now I shall reflect on his brilliance with the 10 best episodes/scenes from Daria (in no particular order). This is also in response to people who ask me which series they should start next, because our generation no longer watches TV per se, we watch TV on DVD. Nothing like the instant gratification of the MTV generation. (Wow, that was almost so poignant that it could be lyrics from an indie band with an animal name in its title.) Even if you’ve seen Daria before, it’s worth a revisit, and here are some classics to jog yer memory. If I’m still sick next week, we tackle movies! Because I am a visual soul, I shall accompany each with PICKCHURS. Or video. Whichever results in less Googling lest I take my own screen caps (and or life). Actually, screw it. Squint your eyes and try to remember real hard.

  • Episode: It Happened One Nut
  • Synopsis: Whilst Quinn loses a boa constrictor working at the pet store, Daria and dimwitted quarterback Kevin get employed at a nut store in the mall. As part of their job description, they must deliver the same speech every time a customer approaches. Kevin has trouble remembering his lines and screws them up repetitively.
  • Quote: Brittany – “Do you think he’s smiling at you because he wants to? He’s not, you know. They’re making him.”
  • Episode: The Teachings of Don Jake
  • Synopsis: Jane and Trent are sent to represent their parents at a Lane family reunion, which they eventually ditch. The Morgendorffer family are out camping when Quinn, Jake and Helen all eat some wild berries that cause them to hallucinate, and leave Daria alone to deal with the situation.
  • Quote: Quinn – “You know, the glitter berries! The ones that fill your mouth with beautiful sparkling glitter when you bite into them!”
  • Episode: Dye! Dye! My Darling
  • Synopsis: Jane talks Daria into helping her transform herself into her latest painting, by dyeing her hair for her in tiger stripes. Daria botches the hair terribly and Jane accuses Daria of sabotaging her to steal Tom.
  • Quote: Jodie – “She had some big surprise she was going to unveil today. She kept talking about the lady or the tiger.” Daria – “Um, the tiger turned out to be more of a penguin with eczema.”
  • Episode: Legends of The Mall
  • Synopsis: Various characters start telling urban legends; The Fashion Club tells Quinn one about a popular girl (played by Sandi) who loses so much weight that her bones rattle, Trent tells one to Jake and Daria about ‘Metalmouth’ (played by Mr DeMartino) who picks up radio frequencies on his homemade metal dentures, and Jane tells one about a smart girl (played by Daria) who ends up cemented into her family’s bomb shelter.
  • Quote: Jake – “Come on! Darn! Move! You’re a car! That’s what you do, that’s all you do! Now do it!”
  • Episode: Road Worrier
  • Synopsis: Jane and Daria tag along with Mystik Spiral to Alternapalooza so that Daria can try get closer to Jane’s brother, Trent. After Daria being stung by a bee, sitting on a sandwich, breaking her glasses and having to pee in the woods, the car breaks down and they miss the entire show.
  • Quote: Tiffany – “Why are we going to Alternapalooza? Ugh. Isn’t that for girls who don’t shave?”
  • Episode: A Tree Grows In Lawndale
  • Synopsis: After crashing his motorbike into the Tommy Sherman Memorial Tree, Kevin can no longer play football. Lawndale becomes stigmatised as a loser town once the team starts losing due to loss of their star quarterback, and everyone starts to feel the effects. Kevin becomes a motivational speaker on safety for elementary school students, and Brittany believes the girls toilets are inhabited by the ghost of Tommy Sherman.
  • Quote: Daria – “You know, if you break up Brittany’s attempt at thought, it looks like a Mystik Spiral song.” JaneArmpits have feelings, but not for me. Now what do I do with lips empty?” Are you sure you don’t wanna replace ‘lips’ with ‘skull’?”
  • Episode: Murder, She Snored
  • Synopsis: The entire football team gets an A on a test, and Mr DeMartino suspects Kevin of cheating and threatens to flunk the entire class. Daria has a long in depth Charlie’s Angels inspired dream about Kevin’s murder.
  • Quote: Stacy – “My holster is so pre-Glock.”
  • Episode: The F Word (Fail)
  • Synopsis: Mr O’Neill sets the class the task of picking something they’ll fail at. Brittany becomes unpopular by talking about current issues, Mack tries to teach Kevin about government, Jodie tries to get time off during the summer, Kevin gets kicked off the football team, and Jane tries an experiment in dressing conventionally, landing her a cheerleading audition.
  • Quote: Brittany – “Hey, um, did you know that, umm, there are more bio-rhythmical weapons than ever in the rain forests of Afghanistan and they blow up if you wear the wrong clothes?”
  • Episode: Mart of Darkness
  • Synopsis: Tom accidentally eats Jane’s art supplies – gummi bears – so she and Daria head out to a new super sized warehouse supermarket, Pay Day. Mr. DeMartino develops a dependency for the free sample Cheez Logs, Brittany and Kevin forget why they’re even there, and the Fashion Club find themselves face to face with “plain” looking moisturiser bottles – in bulk.
  • Quote: “A vision of Christ in a half-eaten candy bar? Talk about “My Sweet Lord!” The Immaculate Confection, next on Sick, Sad World.”
  • Episode: Life in the Past Lane
  • Synopsis: Jane meets 1950’s enthusiast Nathan at a stationary store and starts dating him and dressing retro, despite Daria and Tom’s disapproval. Upchuck starts up his own magician show and captures the attention of Stacy.
  • Quote: Nathan – “That’s a swinging look you’ve put together, Daria. Catholic School Girl meets Kings Road London, circa eighty-three.”
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